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What Teachers Make

This is a poem by my all time favorite poet. I first saw this guy on Russell Simmons' Def Poetry, and instantly liked him. He was a white male awash in a sea of everything but white males. The applause he received for this poem was thunderous and certainly deserved.

His name is Taylor Mali and if you dig this go buy his stuff on his website.

What Teachers Make, or
You can always go to law school if things don't work out
By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

'Nightline' Sort of Protests the War

'Nightline' Devotes Show to Reading War Dead Names

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A U.S. television news program is to dedicate an entire broadcast to a reading of the names of American servicemen and women killed in action in Iraq (news - web sites).

Ted Koppel will read aloud the names of those killed since the March 2003 start of the Iraq war on the Friday edition of ABC News "Nightline," the network said on Tuesday. The reading will be accompanied by a photograph of each person named.

While "Nightline" and other U.S. TV news broadcasts have reported regularly on those killed in Iraq, "Nightline" executive producer Leroy Sievers said: "We realized that the casualties were on their way to becoming just numbers."

"'The Fallen' is our way of reminding our viewers -- whether they agree with the war or not -- that beyond the casualty numbers, these men and women are serving in Iraq in our names. and that those who have been killed have names and faces," said Sievers.

Due to time constraints in the 30-minute program, "Nightline" will limit its reading to the approximately 523 U.S. troops killed in combat since the start of the war. Another 201 have died as a result of accidents, friendly fire or suicide.

The planned broadcast follows the controversial publication in the United States last week of hitherto restricted pictures of dozens of flag-draped coffins returning home with the bodies of U.S. troops.

A "Nightline" spokeswoman said ABC's decision was not related to the publication of the photos, and there was no political intent behind ABC's decision to read out the names of those killed in the war.

"It is purely a tribute," she said, adding that "Nightline" had been working closely with the Army Times Publishing Company which has a database of names and photographs of troops killed in action.

ABC is owned by the Walt Disney Co.

My Car Tried to Kill Me

So yesterday I spent a couple of hours in my local emergency room. Apparently I am not allowed to work on cars.

Sunday night I bought the movie Master & Commander. A decent movie that my roommates and I watched that night. It's a movie about some English guys chasing some French dudes in their boat. What's important to note is how detailed the film is. Very accurate in regards to how life on a boat was back in the day, and there is a scene in particular that is very detailed. The ship's doctor is shot and has to remove the bullet himself. Lot's of blood and gore, and done in a very realistic manner.

I made a passing comment to those in the room how much I do not like this part of the movie. "I know it's fake, but it always make me squeamish."

I am one of those guys who can't watch the surgery channel or people getting hurt on TV. If I do, there's always a good chance that I will pass out.

Little did I know that this would all come into play the next morning.

Here's how my day goes. I woke up about 11:30 or so yesterday morning. I got up and checked my e-mail, and was basicly goofing off online for about twenty minutes or so. I had the day off and no plans to do much of anything.

My roommate Wes walks in, "Hey, let's go fix your car."

My car wouldn't start the other day, and I often abuse my friendship with him by asking him for help fixing my car. Because apparently I am not allowed to work on cars.

So I head out the door and we push the car down to the garage at the back of the apartment community where Wes has all of his tools stored. It takes only a few minutes for him to figure out that a hose connected to the the fuel line is busted, and maybe fifteen minutes to fix that. The day is going well so far...for you see I have not become involved yet. As you'll see, once I do I learn that apparently I am not allowed to work on cars.

The belts on the front of my car need replacing. I have the Alternator belt, and the A/C belt, but still need the Power Steering belt. Wes says, "Let's tighten these up for now, and we'll replace them after you get the other belt we need. Get it all done at once."

Sounds good to me. He gets a pry bar and a wrench and begins tightening the belts.

Now it's important that we pause right here so that I can explain something about these belts in my car's engine. These belts are at the front of the engine. That seems normal enough, but what I should point out (as it becomes very important in just a moment) is that they are also very close to the flex fan at the front of the car.

A flex fan, as I now know, is a device created to maim stupid humans.

Wes tightened one belt, and then crawled under the car to apply leverage to the belt pulleys so that we could tighten the other belt.

This is where I come into the picture. All I had to do was use the wrench to tighten one bolt and we would be done.

But as you are by now sure to recall, apparently I am not allowed to work on cars.

The bolt was somewhat stripped, the wrench slipped off of said bolt, and my arm jutted sharply down.

A flex fan is made of metal, and tends to be a very sharp and rigid part of the car. Little known fact for you guys out there, a flex fan will cut through human skin pretty damn easily.

So I start to bleed, I tell Wes very calmly, "Hey I sliced my wrist."

He jumps out from under the car and asks if I'm OK.

I say, "Yes." But the look on my face and the fact that I am now leaning against the garage and on one knee tell him otherwise.

Later that day he tells me, "You turned white as a t-shirt, and all I could think was to get you in the car before you passed out on me."

We get in the car and he says something about taking me back to the apartment. I notice all the blood and manage to get out something about taking me to the emergency room.

At this point my vision starts to fade to black.

Lucky for me we live literally about two blocks from the local ER. I know I passed out for a second or two. On the way there I wedged my head between the headrest of the seat and the frame of the car to keep myself from rolling around. The one thought I had on the way was, "Thank god the car was working when this happened."

Wes got me there in what seemed like no time at all.

As soon as the cool air of the air conditioned emergency room hit me I woke right up. The bleeding had basicly stopped and I was really not feeling any pain.

I spent the next couple of hours in the emergency room until the doctor came in to stitch me up. He made only a couple of comments as he worked. "You know, half an inch deeper and you could have cut an artery here. It's a good thing you came in."

What did I learn yesterday. Wes is a level headed guy who doesn't freak out easily. I still can't take the sight of my own blood. Oh, and apparently I am not allowed to work on cars.

Pulp Fiction: Alternate Take

A Familer Scene, with but a change of a letter or two:

Whenever Jules talks to Yolanda, he never looks at her, only
at Pumpkin.

JULES
(to Yolanda)
So, we cool Yolanda? We ain't
gonna do anything stupid, are we?

YOLANDA
(crying)
Don't you hurt him.

JULES
Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're
gonna be like three Fozzies. And
what's Fozzie say?

No answer,

JULES
C'mon Yolanda, what's Fozzie say?

YOLANDA
(through tears, unsure)
Wakka, wakka, wakka?

JULES
Correct-amundo! Wakka, wakka, wakka.

(to Pumpkin)
Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three
and I want you to let go your gun
and lay your palms flat on the
table. But when you do it, do it like Fozzie. Ready?

Pumpkin looks at him.

Pumkin
(slightly confused)

With a bananna and an ugly hat?

SXSW Audience Award Winner

Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story

Banned for ten years from the sport he helped bring to the masses, Paintballs first superstar, Bobby Dukes, returns to reclaim his title and erase the memory of his tainted past.

As a teenager, with explosive style and charisma, Bobby led his team, the River Rats, to an unprecedented three consecutive victories at The Hudson Valley Paintball Classic, the premier paintball tournament on the East Coast.

May 28th, 1993, The River Rats were competing for their fourth 'Classic' victory when disaster struck. During one of Bobby's signature daring moves, he was shot. Desperate to stay in the game, Bobby intentionally wiped the paint from his jersey, thus committing paintball's most heinous crime, 'Wiping'. An over zealous referee spotted the wipe and ejected Bobby from the tournament. The news spread like wildfire and the three-time champ, became the laughing stock of the paintball community. Disgraced and humiliated, Bobby disappeared.

Ten years later, an older and wiser Bobby returns determined to recapture the paintball glory of his youth. He enters the 2003 Classic but finds no self-respecting paintball player will be caught dead on his team. On the verge of giving up hope, Bobby joins forces with the most unlikely of allies; the referee that caught him cheating.

Now, the two improbable partners must recruit a team of paintball misfits and take back the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic.

Source: http://www.bobbydukes.com/

There is no release date for this as of yet, and that makes me sad. The movie stars Rob Corddry (of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart) as Duke, and he is by far the best thing about The Daily Show.

I am sure this will never see a wide theatrical release, but i'll wager it does well on DVD.

Turning Japanese

So it seems that the American cell phone market is finally ready to try and catch up with the Japanese.

The Wildseed company has created a fully interchangeable cell phone allowing quick changes of the faceplate. The faceplate has a chip in it that feeds the phone new ringtones, screensavers, fonts, and other features.

http://www.wildseed.com/index.htm

Aimed directly at the teen market, this phone will probably be popular for at least a few months. Then who knows...

http://www.wildseed.com/index.htm